Guy Gives Wife ‘Dutch Oven,’ Kills Her | Big10Tens

Guy Gives Wife ‘Dutch Oven,’ Kills Her

Steve September 10, 2013 0

Well, this makes for awkward conversations in the future. “I’m so sorry to hear about your wife, what happened?’ Well…

Brian Flannery was convicted of 2nd Degree Manslaughter recently, receiving a 5 year suspended sentence for the accidental death of his wife, Gloria Flannery, by toxic suffocation, after he gave her a ‘Dutch Oven’ that went, as the Judge described it, ‘horribly, horribly wrong’.

The case for the prosecution argued for the charge of Murder, putting it to the court that, late one weekday evening as his wife was reading a Jackie Collins novel in bed and unwinding for sleep, she was suddenly and forcibly pinned under the sheets, Brian sealed the edges with his weight while simultaneously ripping a huge fart, essentially all available oxygen instantly vanished and his wife passed out nearly instantly, and was dead within 30 seconds.

A couple factors lead to the death. First, was Mrs Flannery’s military tucking in of the 600 weight cotton sheets when she made the bed that morning, which created a near airtight seal.  Secondly, Brian Flannery had neglected to remember that he had attended a long business lunch at an Indian restaurant that day, at which he had consumed a dozen onion Bajees, eight Poppadom, six Samosas, and an extra large beef Vindaloo with garlic naan, all washed down with 8 pints of Guinness beer. The resulting trapped fart, which he released within a 6 inch proximity of his wife’s face, came in at around 6 litres gas of 95% methane by volume.

Oh Brian…

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